Not diet food :(

Cabbage soup: day two. Less yummy than yesterdays, I must say. Even with pork product :(
I think it helps that the apples I used are sour :(

Ingredients:
3 cups stock
.5 lb cabbage, chopped into child sized mouth bites
~3 oz pancetta, diced
1 apple, peeled and diced
1 tbsp butter cause I'm a fatty
1/2 a white onion, diced
Saute pancetta until its crunchy, delicious pork product. Remove from pot, pour off excess fat, add onion and cabbage and cook until they start to brown or until you get bored. Add stock and pork product and simmer for ten minutes or so. Probably.
Meanwhile, saute apples in butter until you get bored or they begin to brown. Or in my case... burn. On one side only. Use to garnish the soup.

Gingery Cabbage and Mushroom Soup

A few weeks ago, a guy tried to impress me by saying he could make cabbage soup. I said that was gross. He later asked me out, and I made up some bullshit. Badly. Cause he knows me.

Turns out cabbage soup isn't that gross.
I hope that someday I wont say "Turns out sex with fatties isn't that gross."

Ingredients:
4 oz crimini mushrooms, sliced
.5 lb cabbage, sliced
2 tsp ginger, minced
1/2 of an onion, sliced
1 tbsp sesame oil
3 cups stock

Cook cabbage, onion in oil until they start to brown, or if you're me, blacken because you walked away because you're addicted to terrible tv. Add ginger, salt, pepper and three cups vegetable stock. Turn heat to low, and let simmer for about ten minutes. Add mushrooms and cook for a few more minutes.
Optional: add chili oil to leftovers because...chili oil is delicious.

Don't you wish your girlfriend was a fatty like me?

My mother argued with me that one of the downfalls of american society is the lack of dishes like Welsh Rarebit. Has she never heard of GRILLED MOTHERFUCKING CHEESE?

Oh right, shes insane :(

In her defense, toasted cheese with mustard is fucking delicious. I've made it for years without knowing that it's a "legitimate" "dish." In fact, I had made one the night before because I impulse bought Parmesan - Asiago rolls.
Oh yeah. I'm a rich bitch.
I broiled one of those motherfuckers with some CANADIAN white cheddar cheese.
Oh yeah, I'm one of those people. I eat imported food.. from the Great White North. So fancy. Might as well have been imported from North Dakota.

Kimchee, As Told By Whitey

I'm making kimchee because I'm hung over. Why not destroy my bowels and mouth with fire after alcohol?

Ingredients:
One head of cabbage
1 tbsp ginger, minced
1 tbsp garlic, minced
2 tsp red pepper flakes
1/4 cup +1 tbsp soy sauce

Salt the individual leaves in a colinder for two hours or until wilted.
Wash leaves, shred leaves into edible pieces, and add the spice and soy mixture.

Hummingbird Muffins :)

One of my friends made Hummingbird cupcakes once. We traded baked goods, and caught up on gossip. Since I'm kind of notorious for making a batch of muffins BECAUSE I WANT A SINGLE MUFFIN, I made hummingbird muffins to use up my remaining banana.
I can't help but think her incarnation was superior though... Mostly because of the high sugar content.
However, I received very positive reactions to these muffins. One of my friends said he ate the entire bag the night I gave him the muffins. Even though he only ate the muffin top while I was there haha. I'm fairly certain he's manorexic.

Ingredients:
A can of chunked pineapple
1 banana
1 3/4 cups flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
3/4 cup sugar
1 egg
1/3 cup butter, melted
2 oz chopped walnuts

Mash banana with sugar, butter, egg. Add in pineapple when well mixed. In a separate bowl, mix dry ingredients (Not the walnuts). When well mixed, slowly fold into the wet mixture. Stir as few times as possible. After you've mixed in all the flour, add in the walnuts, and then allow to sit for 5 minutes.
Spoon into greased muffin cups. Bake for 17 minutes at 350 degrees.

Smoky OH GOD WHY Fish Soup

Almost every single time I cook with peppers, I end up getting part of one up my nose. Every male I've told about this predilection ends up saying "HAHA YOU ARE JUST TOO CUTE OMG YOUR PAIN IS SO ADORABLE YOU'RE JUST LIKE A TINY INCAPABLE CHILD AND THAT'S WHAT I LOVE ABOUT YOU."

My only thought is generally "Fuck you I wanted sympathy."
Fuck bitches. Get money.

Ingredients:
1/2 white onion, diced
1 carrot, sliced
1 celery stalk, chopped
3 chipotle peppers + some adobo sauce
2 tomatoes, chopped
6 oz of white fish
3 cups stock
1 tbsp olive oil

Cook the white onion in olive oil over medium heat until translucent. Add carrot, celery, tomatoes, peppers and stock and cook for about 10 minutes. Add fish and cook until the fish is done, about 5 - 10 minutes more.

Melon soup...

I actually really liked this soup, even though its neither healthy nor logical.

Ingredients:
One half a small honeydew, cubed
2 oz pancetta
1 tbsp white wine (I used two buck chuck, cause imma classy bitch)
Squeeze of lemon or so
1 tsp olive oil
Salt
scallions for garnish

Brown pancetta in olive oil.
Blend honeydew,white wine, lemon juice, and a bit of salt in a blender until smooth.
Top with pancetta, chives.
Nommage.