I SHOULD JUST FUCKING GIVE UP ON COOKING NOW

I BURNT PRECOOKED BACON.

Happy New Year.

White Bean and Tomato Soup

When I was a child, I was a very picky eater. One of the only things my mother could get me to eat were sliced tomatoes, coated in Italian dressing. I'm not really sure why she ever offered them like that initially, but it was literally all I would eat for dinner many a night. Perfectly ripe tomatoes are by far my favorite fruit. 

I genuinely love them more than other fruits, even the sweet ones.

I never lost my love for tomatoes. 

When I first started cooking for myself, I would buy pints of cherry tomatoes, slice them and add them raw to cooked pasta. I would saute them with vegetables, basil and garlic, and eat them over rice. 

When I was wondering around my apartment today after work, I had an overwhelming desire for tomato soup, preferably paired with a grilled cheese sandwich. I don't think there has ever been a more perfect pair. Although someone left a half quart of milk in my refrigerator after the seasonal cookie festivities, and I could have hypothetically made the cream of tomato soup that traditionally accompanies a grilled cheese, I lacked the bread to make a grilled cheese. I also had a half cup of white beans I had cooked on Sunday languishing in my refrigerator, lonely and begging to be used. 

So I did. 

Ingredients: 

1.5 cups cooked white beans, and approximately 1/2 cup cooking liquid if from scratch  

7 oz canned tomatoes with liquid (1/2 can)

1 carrot, peeled and sliced 

1/2 onion, chopped 

2 cups stock 

Water to cover 

A pinch cayenne 

Bring water, stock, tomatoes, carrot and onion to a boil and then reduce to a simmer. Simmer 30 minutes, then add white beans and cayenne, and heat through. 

I Think My Family Might Secretly Be Jewish

• Reason #1:  Apparently it's a Jewish thing to go see a movie on Christmas day. 
• Reason #2: Apparently it's a Jewish thing to eat Chinese food on Christmas. I, personally, can't imagine  Christmas without char siu bao and jin dui. 
• Reason #3: CHRISTMAS IN MY FAMILY IS CANCELED THIS YEAR. WE AREN'T DOING ANYTHING. 

NOT EVEN DIM SUM. 

Sigh. 

Remember kids: 

Whatever. All I've been eating for the last 24 hours are sugar cookies and gingerbread I made. They were intended for the family, but if they're not going to participate in TRADITION I'm just going to NOT SHARE. 

Curried Sweet Potato Soup

It's sad how if I eat like crap for just a bit, I feel like crap for much longer. I hung out with a few of my best female friends on Saturday, and we pretty much gorged ourselves on fried and sugary foods. I pride myself on cooking the vast majority of my own meals, and for sticking to a relatively healthy diet. However, that day, I did not eat anything that hadn't been fried. 

Someone told me recently that's a sign of getting old. I know that isn't really what it is.

I can't possibly be getting old.  

I've always been like that. 

Maybe I was born old. 

I've been told I'm old soul, on several occasions. 

Maybe that was a nice way of saying "That skirt looks like it belongs to an geriatric with dementia." 

Regardless, I felt the overpowering need to cook something with VEGETABLES. 

AND NO MEAT. 

AND VERY LITTLE OIL. 

AND SUNSHINE. 

AND HAPPINESS.  

AND RAINBOWS. 

AND UNICORNS.

Due to a severe lack of unicorn steak, I opted instead for a delicious sounding stew at Everyone Likes Sandwiches. I left out the rice, since I bought some rather disappointing onion rolls from a grocery store, and added cooked adzuki beans for protein. 

And obviously, too much stock. 

And too much spicy curry paste.

So I topped it off with coconut milk to lower the heat. 

It was delicious, and just what I needed. 

Split Pea Soup

The first time I experimented with split pea soup was in college. I made the decision to pursue a vegetarian lifestyle when I was a freshman, so, as one might imagine, my culinary options were vastly limited. It was great, initially.  SALAD AND CAKE FOR EVERY MEAL. CAKE IS ALWAYS VEGETARIAN! No guilt from a giant slice of cake because I ATE SALAD LIKE A BOSS. ERRYDAY WAS CAKE DAY.

Eventually, I got sick of that. I moved on to pb&j sandwiches, cereal for lunch, rice and cookies for dinner. And then I realized they had a soup section most of the time. I actually remember the day I tried split pea soup for the first time. It was raining. I was damp and miserable, worn out and worn down from a winter quarter filled with SCIENCE. My freshly minted physics notes were wet, thanks my despondent ambling back and forth across campus.  When wandering through the dining common, searching for something to warm my cold bones and keep me full enough to last until my next meal, I lingered in front of a hotel pan filled with suspiciously colored split pea soup. I decided to take the plunge.

It was satisfying, warm and deceptively delicious. I was won over.

The soup I made tonight was definitely tastier. I used a recipe from 101 Cookbooks, where it's explained far better than I could ever hope to.

Red Lentil and Squash Soup

Yet another dubiously mustard colored soup... At least when I take pictures of it. In reality, it was a nice warm gold. Light but with a creamy consistency, easily slurped while spacing out and watching terrible TV. 

Which is what I've devoted the lion's share of my free time to lately. In my defense, I've been reasonably sick, since I appear to have an immune system comparable to that of a seven year old. 

I've been obsessively watching Top Chef. I adore shows that involve making things. I used to be obsessed with Project Runway. I love Iron Chef. I'm always glued to the TV when Chopped is on. 

Top Chef has a bit more drama than I usually enjoy, but somehow I keep getting drawn in to the drama. The bitter hipster in me is really disappointed that I get into this stuff. I am perfectly fine with being interested in the food aspect of it, though. 

I'm not really sure where I was going with this, but I had half a roasted butternut squash from yesterday so I wanted to use it all up. Squash IS ridiculously cheap, but I knew if I didn't use it today, I wouldn't use it at all. 

Ingredients: 

1/2 white onion, chopped 

1/3 cup red lentils

1/2 butternut squash 

1/2 tsp tumeric, cumin, and minced fresh ginger 

1 tbsp olive oil 

2 cups stock 

2 cups water 

pinch of cayenne 

1 tbsp chopped cilantro

Feeds two absent minded Christina's 

Saute the onions in olive oil until translucent. 

Meanwhile, in a soup pot bring red lentils and water to a boil. Reduce to a simmer, and cook until tender, about 20 minutes. When tender, add roasted squash, spices, and stock. Simmer for about five more minutes. Allow to cool sufficiently to blend in a blender. Blend until smooth, and top with cilantro. 

Roasted Winter Squash and Turnip Soup

I'm still sick.

It's not cute anymore. No one wants to put up with my bullshit, not even me.

It wasn't cute to begin with.
Maybe it would have been cute if I was just flushed and had the vapors or something. Sinus infections aren't cute. Accidentally coughing on coworkers isn't cute. Having someone note that you "kind of sound like you're dying" isn't cute.

I'm sick of this bullshit, body. We've got some talking to do if you really think we can make this work.

Ingredients:

1/2 Butternut Squash
1 medium turnip, peeled and quartered
1 medium potato, peeled and chopped
1/2 an onion
2 cups stock
2 cups water
1 tbsp olive oil

Feeds two lethargic, whiny Christina's
Inspired by, yet again, Love Soup

The ravioli is a spinach ricotta one Fresh and Easy. It was made of disappointment. Every time I tried to scoop it up with my spoon, it would fall off and splash soup everywhere. When I finally did manage to bite it, the filling fell out and splattered across the soup, my table and my face. 

Pasta and I have a mostly hate relationship. 

Preheat oven to 400. Toss turnip, squash with olive oil and place on a baking sheet. Roast until squash starts to collapse, and turnips are browned. 40+ minutes.

MEANWHILE Sweat the onions in olive oil in a pot. Add potatoes, stock, and then STOP AND MAKE THAT MOTHER FUCKING HAMMERTIME 

LIKE WOOOOOOOOAHHH

Seriously get that song out of my head. It's fucking terrible.

If the potatoes become tender before the roasting is done, add the turnip and squash flesh. When adding turnip and squash, add water if the existing liquid doesn't cover everything. Allow to cool and blend until smooth.  

White Bean and Radicchio Stew

My CSA box had a huge head of radicchio chilling in the bottom. I wasn't really sure what to do with it, since I haven't ever had it in any way other than as part of a salad. So, to Google I went! The question was, what to make? Salad didn't sound like a very good idea. I'm still super sick, and I wanted something with less... texture for dinner. Soup would have been ideal, probably, but I didn't really run into any recipes I liked the idea of... Until I saw the one for White Bean and Radicchio Stew at Nytimes.

It was pretty when it was all ripped up and being cleaned :(

I found on Nytimes this recipe, and it looked pretty good. I more or less followed it to the letter, so I'm not going to bother copying it out. The only difference is that I halved the recipe.

...Not so pretty when it's done cooking, unfortunately.

Ginger Chicken Soup

I woke up last night repeatedly pretty much coughing my lungs out. I'm used to getting horrifically sick on a regular basis, but somehow this year I've been relatively healthy.
Obviously I was tempting fate.

I don't cook meat very often, but when I do, I make sure I fuck it up completely chicken soup is kind of one of those comfort foods I crave when ill. My mom used to make chicken soup for me when I was sick. I think that ginger and spice are a great way to clear out the sinuses when you're congested.

Ingredients:
2 chicken thighs
1 bunch mustard greens
4 scallions, trimmed and sliced into 3 inch lengths
3 cloves garlic
4 nickles of ginger (probably want to lower this to three if you aren't a huge ginger fan)
4 cups stock
2 cups water

Serves 3 sickly Christinas

• Add everything but the mustard greens to the pot and simmer for 50 minutes. 
• Add mustard greens and simmer for 15 more minutes 

Alright, time to crawl back into bed. 

THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS

I went to my general practitioner, mostly because I'm attempting to get a recommendation to see an allergist because I'm CONVINCED something in my environment is slowly killing me. The last time I went to the doctor, she said that if I felt that my allergic medication wasn't really doing anything, I should try not taking it.

So I did.

Apparently, Zrytec is all that stands between me and being completely unable to eat solid food, get out of bed, or even think coherently.

brb vomiting blood.

Bell Pepper and Corn Soup

When I opened my box of vegetables this week, I was honestly confused. It's December. Why are there lettuce and bell peppers? I thought I was doing this to get seasonal vegetables?
I don't know.
Seasonality is a mystery to me. I just don't know.
Whatever.
Just... whatever. I'll eat it. It ain't no thang.

I wanted to use a soup recipe from the cookbook "Love Soup" but I didn't have all the ingredients, of course, so I pretty much just improvised.

Ingredients:
1/2 white onion, diced... sort of
1 garlic clove, minced
Two Bell Peppers, diced... sort of
1 Jalapeno, minced
~1/2 sweet corn (frozen, it's all I had)
1 tbsp olive oil
4 cups stock
1/4 c parsley, chopped (THIS WOULD BE BETTER WITH CILANTRO, BUT WHATEVER I DIDN'T HAVE ANY)
Juice from half a lemon

Sweat the onions in olive oil over medium heat until they're translucent. Add the garlic and cook for an additional minute. Add bell peppers, jalapeno and stock and bring to a light boil. Reduce heat until it simmers, and let it cook for about 10 minutes. Add in the corn and simmer for five more minutes. Add the lemon juice and parsley when done :)

Arugula and Apple Soup, Topped with Toasted Pecans

I didn't have high hopes for this, honestly. I find arugula to be very assertive, and I was worried the soup would be bitter. I've had arugula and pear salad before, and although I didn't think it terrible, I didn't really have high hopes. However, I had the ingredients for this soup in my CSA box, so I thought, eh why not?
My worries were completely unfounded. This was utterly, and somehow surprisingly, delicious. Lemony, bright, and pleasantly spicy.
The recipe is from Love Soup, which is an absolutely adorable vegetarian cookbook. The quantities are a bit varied from hers, though.

Ingredients
1/2 yellow onion, chopped
1 apple, peeled and cored (gala I think maybe in my case? I'm not sure)
5 oz Arugula
1 boiling potato
3 scallions, chopped
1/4 Parsley, chopped
1/2 lemon
2 cups broth
1/4 tsp cayenne
pinch nutmeg
1/4 c chopped pecans
1 tbsp olive oil

Serves two greedy Christina's

• Spread pecans on a baking sheet and cook in the oven at 300 degrees for 10 minutes 
• Sweat onion in a soup pot on medium with the olive oil until translucent 
• Roughly chop the potato, arugula, and apple. 
• Pour 2 cups water and two cups stock in a pot with the apples and potatoes. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat to a simmer. Let cook for 10 minutes.
•  Add the scallion and simmer for five more minutes. 
• Add arugula and parsley, and simmer for 6 to 8 minutes.
• Add lemon juice, cayenne, and a pinch of nutmeg 
• Puree in a blender to a consistency you like. Mine was hella hella chunky cause I like biting stuff . 
• top with pecans 
• Nom 

Vegetarian chili

I had a few roommates in college who would occasionally make tons of chili. The apartment would be filled the aroma, the windows would steam over, I would draw bizarre pictures with my fingers, and we would all enjoy huge bowls of steaming, delicious, turkey or beef chili.

Haha, I'm just kidding, I never ate it. It smelled ridiculously amazing but I was probably all NAW DUDES I DON'T EAT ANIMAL FLESH UNLESS I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO EAT AND IT'S FREE. WAIT IT'S FREE? I ATE ALREADY ACTUALLY BUT HOLY SHIT IT SMELLS AMAZING.
I don't know.

Fun bonus fact: I've never had non vegetarian chili.
I used to make vegetarian chili all the time, so I kind of just pour in whatever I can find.

Ingredients:
1 can diced tomatoes
1 jalapeno, diced
1 head garlic, roasted
1/2 cup kidney beans, soaked if you like
1 (yellow) bell pepper, chopped
1 onion, chopped
1 tbsp olive oil
1 tbsp chili powder
2 cups stock, plus more water

Yeah, it's ugly. It's chili though.. what do you expect?

• Cook onion in a soup pot with olive oil until translucent 
• Add kidney beans, stock, and water to cover. Bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer. Cover and cook, adding water as needed. It took me about an hour and a half for them to get tender. 
• Squeeze roasted garlic into the soup pot. Add the remaining items to the pot, and simmer until vegetables are tender. 
• Eat with CORNBREAD IF YOU GOT IT 

Beet - Carrot Salad

Beets are one of my favorite new discoveries. I never had them as a child, probably for one o f two reasons. Either my mother didn't know what to do with them since she probably never ate them as a child, or she was exposed to them in canned form when she came to the US. Either way, I never had them until the first time my friend and I held a vegan dinner party. We made couscous with beets and artichokes, and it was positively amazing. I've been a beet fan ever since.
When I found out I would get beets this week in my csa box, I was thrilled.
However, I spoiled my appetite by snacking, which is probably one of my worst habits. So instead, I just made a simple salad of roasted beet and carrot :)

Ingredients:
1 beet
1 carrot, peeled and roughly chopped
1 scallion, green part only, minced
1 tsp olive oil
1 tbsp feta cheese

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit, because I'm lame and from the US. Wrap the beet in foil completely, and roast in the oven until it can be easily pierced by a complete weakling such as myself. If you happen to be lucky enough to have more upper body strength than a 2 year old, it takes about 45 minutes to an hour. When done, allow to cool, and then peel.
It's ridiculously easy.
Roughly chop the beet, then chop in a food processor with the carrot. Top with scallion, feta cheese and a bit of olive oil.

Broccoli Daikon Soup

Every wednesday, we have meetings at work that typically last for three and a half hours. I typically zone out, fall asleep, flirt with my (gay) soulmate via text, or browse reddit for most of the duration. Today, though, I was trolling the internet for yummy sounding recipes. I've come to the conclusion that the internet is generally not a big fan of broccoli in soups. I had a head of broccoli that had gone from delightfully verdant and firm, to limp, flaccid and jaundiced.
Maybe I just wanted to use the word flaccid.
I also had an equally floppy daikon radish sitting in the fridge, languishing alone on the bottom shelf.

Ingredients:
1 small head of broccoli, chopped
1 small daikon radish, chopped
1 pitifully small onion, chopped
1 clove garlic, crushed
1 tsp miso paste
1 tsp chili garlic sauce
1/4 tsp bonito flakes

• Sweat the onion in olive oil in a pot until translucent
• Add garlic, and cook for one more minute  
• Add radish, broccoli, stock, and spices/miso paste. Bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer. Simmer for 10 minutes 
• Allow to cool, then blend to a consistency you find palatable. 

Apparently, that consistency is CHUNKY for me. 

Coconut Curry Squash Soup

I was whining all day that my throat is sore, my nose is congested and my sinus cavities ache. My coworker suggested I eat something spicy.
OF COURSE.
WHY HADN'T I THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE.
Not sarcasm.
Sort of.

I don't know I'm woozy from benadryl.

Ingredients:

1/2 a medium sized butternut squash, cubed
1/2 an onion, chopped
1 tbsp garlic
1 tbsp curry powder
2 cups stock
1 cup coconut milk
1 tbsp olive oil

Sweat the onion in the olive oil in a pot. Add garlic, and saute for a minute more. When done, add the stock and butternut squash, and simmer until tender (10 - 15 minutes if the cubes are small enough :) ). Add curry powder, coconut milk, and blend. If using a standard blender, make sure that you let the soup cool a bit before blending.

It might not technically be the weeknd

I sing along... Nay, belt (!) to music when washing dishes, cleaning and showering.
I sometimes wonder if my neighbor is like, "Yes, I am aware you LEFT YOUR GIRL BACK HOME, CAUSE YOU DON'T LOVE HER NO MORE, and that SHE'LL NEVER FUCKING KNOW THAT. Now could you please never sing again"
Creepy indie R&B is food for my soul.

Seriously, check out the link, its brilliant.

Orange Sunflower Zucchini Bread

I love making quick breads. I love eating them. I love distributing them to my friends and family. I just flat out love baking, actually. I'm not actually sure why I wanted to make zucchini bread, but hey, I made it! I love zucchini bread so much. It's one of my favorite things to eat with coffee :) Zucchini bread reminds me of cold mornings when I was too lazy to make breakfast before class. I used to buy a slice from the little coffee stands that litter my alma mater to munch on while waiting for class to start.
I pretty much have the recipe memorized.. I'm not entirely sure where from... I think all recipes?

Ingredients:
1/2 cup butter (cold)
2 cups flour (white)
1 cup sugar
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
3/4 cup juice or coconut milk. I wanted to use coconut milk but my replacement gay doesn't like coconut
1 egg
1 cup grated zucchini
1/2 cup sunflower seeds, rinsed if salted
Zest of one small lemon

Mix all the dry ingredients together in a large bowl (Yes even sugar!) Then slowly cut in the butter. I like to use a fork and mash the butter against the sides of the bowl. Its probably good for working out all that pent up aggression that my libertarian coworkers incite in me.

Whisk the juice/milk, zest and egg together in a separate bowl. Look at my lack of an oxford comma! I'm using proper English up in this bitch. Pour the wet mixture into the dry but try to mix as little as possible. The more you mix, the less fluffy the final product will be. I JUST DROPPED SOME KNOWLEDGE ON YO HEAD, DAWG.
Pour into a greased loaf pan and bake for 45 minutes to an hour.
Cool in the pan for 10 minutes, then remove from the pan.

Black Bean and Squash Tacos!

TACOS TACOS TACOS TACOS TACOS.
One of my friends argued with me that this is, by definition, not a taco, because of a lack of meat.I still think this is a taco, but what do I know?
I didn't actually tell him it had soy sauce in it, though. Cause then I guess he could be right :(
I'm pretty much 100% certain I took the idea for these from the post punk kitchen, but I haven't been there in ages, so I doubt I followed the recipe that thoroughly.
I didn't grow up eating Mexican food in any form, so wrapping anything in a tortilla and calling it a taco doesn't seem unjust.

Ingredients:
1/2 an acorn squash
1/2 cup cooked black beans
Tbsp minced cilantro
1 baby bell pepper, diced (approximately half a normal bell pepper)
1 chili, seeded and minced (thai of course because that's all I have)
1 tbsp soy sauce
Salt, pepper to taste

After slicing the acorn squash in half, I heated a pot of water to boiling and placed the squash in aforementioned water for approximately 3 minutes. This is supposed to make it easier to peel. Who knows if it works.

Aww, doesn't it look like it wants to be eaten? It's a freaking heart omg <3

After peeling, chop the squash into cubes. Place cubes in a pan covered with foil; toss with olive oil. Set oven to 400 and roast until starting to brown.
Then, add to a pan with a bit of olive oil, and start to saute. Add the soy sauce, chili, and black beans  after about a minute and cook for about 5 minutes. Place in tacos, and garnish with cilantro and bell pepper.


What the hell is wrong with my hand??

Lemon Cilantro Red Lentil Soup

It tastes as mediocre as it looks :(

I had to choke it down, slurp after agonizing slurp.
This bizarre thing happens to me when I exercise. I lose my appetite after having a bite or two. It's kind of annoying, since I KNOW I HAVE TO EAT. Maybe I drink enough water during cardio that my stomach is just too full? I don't know.

Lemony Sauteed Kale and Broiled Salmon

When I think I'm about to get sick, I pretty much always make fish for dinner. I have this bizarre theory that if I eat really healthy, I won't get sick.
It never works.
I always get sick.
If you went off this blog, you'd probably assume I never eat protein, and, although that its true that I don't eat enough protein, I eat more than it seems. But less than I probably should :(
Anyway, every time I go to Winco, I buy some random green and I usually forget to eat it.

Ingredients:
Lemony Kale:
1/2 lb Kale, washed and drained
1 tbsp Olive oil
1/2 lemon

Salmon:
1 tbsp Olive Oil
Salt
About 5 oz Salmon

Heavily salt the salmon and let sit for half an hour. Meanwhile, remove stems

Eggplant And Bean Red Curry

When I went grocery shopping with my mom last weekend, I pointed out a bag of mini eggplants. She saw them, basically reacted with OMG HOW CUTE I MUST EAT THEM!! (I assume that my mother was one of those kids who had a tiny pencil case with tiny pencils with tiny lead in them. She goes crazier for minature things than I do. )
Unfortunately, neither she nor my father actually likes eggplant, so I "rescued" them from their refrigerator.
I did ask before I took them.

Anyway, curry is one of my cures for not feeling so great. It came out pretty well, I think. I used a recipe from a thai cookbook of my mothers, but I made a lot of substitutions.

Ingredients:
I have no idea how much eggplant. See above.
6 oz green beans
1/2 cup edamame, thawed if frozen
1 clove garlic, crushed
1 thai chili, minced
1/2 white onion, chopped
1 tbsp red thai curry paste
Peanut oil
1/2 c each stock, coconut milk
Chopped cilantro for garnish

Heat one tbsp peanut oil in a nonstick skillet. Add garlic, chili, and onion, and sautee for about 2 minutes. Add curry paste and cook for two more minutes.

Add eggplant, and cook for about 2 minutes. Add the rest of the vegetables, cook for 2 more minutes. Add the stock and coconut milk, bring to a boil, and after it thickens a bit, remove from heat. Serve over rice :)

It tasted a lot better than it looked.

Lightly Pickled Vegetables, Soy Marinaded Chicken Rice Bowl

Every once in a while when I go out, I end up going way harder than I intended.
I know this because I woke up with glitter on my arms and bruises on one of my legs.
... Yeah.

Apparently pickled food is what I do when I'm hung over... Even though I really just wanted a cheeseburger. The chicken in the bowl, though it looks decent, was disturbingly salty. Maybe my taste buds are screwed up, but.. I think it had an exceedingly high salt content.

Ingredients:
Pickled stuff:
1 large cucumber, sliced in sticks
1 large carrot, sliced in sticks
3 inch cut of daikon radish, sliced in sticks
Salt

Optional:
1/4 cup rice wine vinegar
1 tsp sugar, I recommend using more than that though
A few squirts sriracha

Place vegetables in a colander, and lightly salt. Let sit for half an hour. I think you could let them sit for 10 minutes and you'd be fine. I decided to wash the WHORE off while waiting. Thus the half hour resting time.
If you want to eat the veggies now, don't bother with the pickling fluids. They're pretty decent as is, especially if you're eating them with other things.
If you want to actually pickle them: mix the liquid components together. Place vegetables in a bowl, and pour mixture over them. Let sit for 24 hours.

Cauliflower and Pesto Gratin

I really dont like cauliflower. I don't like the flavor, I don't like the texture. I don't even like the color. Maybe my mom has rubbed off on me and I don't trust white things?
And yet, time after time, I buy it. It just looks so invitingly vegetal that I forget how much I genuinely dislike it. I invariably throw away at least half of it. Every time, I look up a half dozen recipes in an attempt to mask the flavor.

It's just hopeless.

I just don't like cauliflower.

Ingredients:

1 cup cooked Cauliflower (I steamed it for ~8 minutes)
Basil Leaves (I used about a spring)
2 cloves Garlic
(handful of ) Pinenuts
Grated parmsean

Serving size: one

Grease serving dish. Chop basil, garlic, and pinenuts together until they're mixed together well. My friend makes the most amazing rustic vegan pesto I've ever tasted. I vainly attempted to recreate it using the last of my pinenuts because I thought it would be able to mask the cauliflower taste sufficiently. It was only slightly successful. I layered the cauliflower with bits of that and a tiny bit of grated parmsean. Top with parmsean cheese.

Though somewhat filling, I ended up rounding out the rest of my dinner with half a bag of popchips (In the words of an ex's roommate: "What are popchips? Motherfucking delicious") and a mediocre bowl of radish/cabbage/miso soup.

Lemongrass Vegetable Soup

Finally using that lemongrass I bought when I went grocery shopping with my mom. This came out pleasatly spicy, but not overly so. This also managed to almost clear out my fridge!! Hurray!

Ingredients:
2 thai chilies, minced
1 medium clove garlic, minced
Zest of a small lime
Two stalks of lemongrass
1 tsp sugar
1 tbsp soy sauce or to taste
4 oz sliced crimini mushrooms
1/2 c peas (frozen in my case)
3 small carrots, sliced
4 cups stock

Serves slightly more than two

Mince the core of one of the stalks of lemongrass(IE just the parts that don't resist when you cut it. I physically can't cut anything but the inner core because of my complete lack of upper body strength and my general lack of interest in doing anything that takes effort). Chop the other one into a size where it will be able to be completely submerged in your pot(I cut it into 3 inch lengths. YES THREE INCHES I KNOW IT WAS THREE).
Place chilies, garlic, lime zest, sugar, soy sauce, and lemongrass in soup pot with stock. Heat until it boils.
Reduce heat to a simmer. Add peas and carrots, and cook for about 8 minutes. Add mushrooms, cook for two more minutes (so that they're cooked but not over cooked).

Breaking Bad

One of my coworkers commented that I looked very tired this morning. I've been experien. cing nightmares, night after night...Ever since I started watching Breaking Bad.
I don't know why I'm watching it.
I guess just because its on.
But I'm the one putting it on.

Maybe it gives me nightmares because I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A CHEMIST.
According to my dad.
MAYBE
It resonates with my hypothetical life story.
It was supposed to be ME that had an affair with my MY assistant.
And then it was supposed to be ME watching my assistant marry my boss and steal my research.
And then I WOULD HAVE BECOME A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AFTER MARRYING A WAITRESS.

Asparagus Quiche, the retarded way

Nom?
Idk it tastes alright.. I guess.
I burnt the breadcrumbs, my fingers, and the roof of my mouth :(
The method/recipe was so bad though that it isn't worth sharing.

Thai style OMG WHAT THE FUCK MY MOUTH IS ON FIRE

I went to an asian market with my mother yesterday because she doesn't trust white people.

I bought panaang curry paste, thai chillies and a few other exciting things.

Putting two chillies and like one fourth a cup of chilli paste in four cups of soup. My lips have lost all feeling and my insides burn. My white girl sensibilities can't handle this shit.

It tastes better than it looks. I swear.

Ingredients:
2 cups coconut milk
2 cups stock (homemade chicken stock in my case)
2 Thai chillis, minced
1 zucchini, sliced
1 bell pepper, diced
A cheapass tin of watery, julienned bamboo shoots
2 oz mushrooms, sliced
1/4th cup OH GOD WHY IS IT SO HOT panang curry paste

Serves two

"Stir fry" the paste in sesame oil until it sticks the to the pan, you shrug, and shout mashugana. Add stock, chilis, bell pepper and allow to simmer for like 5 minutes. Add everything else, allow to simmer until zuchinnis are done... which is like five more minutes probably.

ATTN CHRISTINA AGUILERA:

I heard that "Moves Like Jagger" song.
I can only assume your secret is that you have a penis.

Not diet food :(

Cabbage soup: day two. Less yummy than yesterdays, I must say. Even with pork product :(
I think it helps that the apples I used are sour :(

Ingredients:
3 cups stock
.5 lb cabbage, chopped into child sized mouth bites
~3 oz pancetta, diced
1 apple, peeled and diced
1 tbsp butter cause I'm a fatty
1/2 a white onion, diced
Saute pancetta until its crunchy, delicious pork product. Remove from pot, pour off excess fat, add onion and cabbage and cook until they start to brown or until you get bored. Add stock and pork product and simmer for ten minutes or so. Probably.
Meanwhile, saute apples in butter until you get bored or they begin to brown. Or in my case... burn. On one side only. Use to garnish the soup.

Gingery Cabbage and Mushroom Soup

A few weeks ago, a guy tried to impress me by saying he could make cabbage soup. I said that was gross. He later asked me out, and I made up some bullshit. Badly. Cause he knows me.

Turns out cabbage soup isn't that gross.
I hope that someday I wont say "Turns out sex with fatties isn't that gross."

Ingredients:
4 oz crimini mushrooms, sliced
.5 lb cabbage, sliced
2 tsp ginger, minced
1/2 of an onion, sliced
1 tbsp sesame oil
3 cups stock

Cook cabbage, onion in oil until they start to brown, or if you're me, blacken because you walked away because you're addicted to terrible tv. Add ginger, salt, pepper and three cups vegetable stock. Turn heat to low, and let simmer for about ten minutes. Add mushrooms and cook for a few more minutes.
Optional: add chili oil to leftovers because...chili oil is delicious.

Don't you wish your girlfriend was a fatty like me?

My mother argued with me that one of the downfalls of american society is the lack of dishes like Welsh Rarebit. Has she never heard of GRILLED MOTHERFUCKING CHEESE?

Oh right, shes insane :(

In her defense, toasted cheese with mustard is fucking delicious. I've made it for years without knowing that it's a "legitimate" "dish." In fact, I had made one the night before because I impulse bought Parmesan - Asiago rolls.
Oh yeah. I'm a rich bitch.
I broiled one of those motherfuckers with some CANADIAN white cheddar cheese.
Oh yeah, I'm one of those people. I eat imported food.. from the Great White North. So fancy. Might as well have been imported from North Dakota.

Kimchee, As Told By Whitey

I'm making kimchee because I'm hung over. Why not destroy my bowels and mouth with fire after alcohol?

Ingredients:
One head of cabbage
1 tbsp ginger, minced
1 tbsp garlic, minced
2 tsp red pepper flakes
1/4 cup +1 tbsp soy sauce

Salt the individual leaves in a colinder for two hours or until wilted.
Wash leaves, shred leaves into edible pieces, and add the spice and soy mixture.

Hummingbird Muffins :)

One of my friends made Hummingbird cupcakes once. We traded baked goods, and caught up on gossip. Since I'm kind of notorious for making a batch of muffins BECAUSE I WANT A SINGLE MUFFIN, I made hummingbird muffins to use up my remaining banana.
I can't help but think her incarnation was superior though... Mostly because of the high sugar content.
However, I received very positive reactions to these muffins. One of my friends said he ate the entire bag the night I gave him the muffins. Even though he only ate the muffin top while I was there haha. I'm fairly certain he's manorexic.

Ingredients:
A can of chunked pineapple
1 banana
1 3/4 cups flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
3/4 cup sugar
1 egg
1/3 cup butter, melted
2 oz chopped walnuts

Mash banana with sugar, butter, egg. Add in pineapple when well mixed. In a separate bowl, mix dry ingredients (Not the walnuts). When well mixed, slowly fold into the wet mixture. Stir as few times as possible. After you've mixed in all the flour, add in the walnuts, and then allow to sit for 5 minutes.
Spoon into greased muffin cups. Bake for 17 minutes at 350 degrees.

Smoky OH GOD WHY Fish Soup

Almost every single time I cook with peppers, I end up getting part of one up my nose. Every male I've told about this predilection ends up saying "HAHA YOU ARE JUST TOO CUTE OMG YOUR PAIN IS SO ADORABLE YOU'RE JUST LIKE A TINY INCAPABLE CHILD AND THAT'S WHAT I LOVE ABOUT YOU."

My only thought is generally "Fuck you I wanted sympathy."
Fuck bitches. Get money.

Ingredients:
1/2 white onion, diced
1 carrot, sliced
1 celery stalk, chopped
3 chipotle peppers + some adobo sauce
2 tomatoes, chopped
6 oz of white fish
3 cups stock
1 tbsp olive oil

Cook the white onion in olive oil over medium heat until translucent. Add carrot, celery, tomatoes, peppers and stock and cook for about 10 minutes. Add fish and cook until the fish is done, about 5 - 10 minutes more.

Melon soup...

I actually really liked this soup, even though its neither healthy nor logical.

Ingredients:
One half a small honeydew, cubed
2 oz pancetta
1 tbsp white wine (I used two buck chuck, cause imma classy bitch)
Squeeze of lemon or so
1 tsp olive oil
Salt
scallions for garnish

Brown pancetta in olive oil.
Blend honeydew,white wine, lemon juice, and a bit of salt in a blender until smooth.
Top with pancetta, chives.
Nommage.

Sea monster tentacle soup

It's pretty rare for me to cook without a recipe, but I did it for once.

Butbutbut here's what when into my sea monster tentacle soup

• 3 Cups homemade stock 
• about 3 oz of buckwheat soba noodles 
• Half a cup frozen edamame 
• two spring onions (green parts only)
• 2 tsp vietnamese sweet chili oil 
• 1 tbl spoon soy sauce
• 1 tsp rice wine vinegar 

Put everything in a pot, and enjoy :) 

Soup soup soup soup

I fucking love soup.
It helps that I'm constantly sick. But I still love soup. This happens to be filled with chickpeas, carrots, onion, a heaping teaspoon of rosemary and... sundried tomatoes.
Oh and super stale nasty sourdough bread. I know it looks awesome, but it was like eating drywall.

Kiwi Banana Muffins

The recipe is from Color Me Vegan. The muffins were terrible.
Like amongst the worst I have ever made.

ATTN BRITNEY

"All eyes on me, in the center of the ring just like a circus"
Um okay, I'll bite. That seems valid.


"Everybody let go, we can make a dance floor just like a circus."

Britney... I don't think you've ever been to a circus. There is no dancing at circuses.

Lemon Poppyseed muffins

I'm kind of considering making more just because they're delicious. I made these a while ago though. Most of my friends said they were perfect, but I think I'd add more sugar. I think I used the recipe from Vegan with a Vengeance.

zombie jesus wants me to buy a larger tv

ATTN Britney:

"I'm mrs she's too big,
Now she's too thin"
There is no such thing as too thin.

Yes, I know I'm late to the game, but I don't know what the hell I was doing when "piece of me" came out.

Disregard women, acquire currency

I made (vegan) snicker doodles because my friend's best male friend told me to. He weighs less than I do, which,frankly is just unacceptable.
I gave some to someone other than him. He was really excited because snickerdoodles are his favorite cookie. I suspect he was hella disappointed.
I gave some to someone else, and her comment was "I can tell they're vegan" :(
FML.

Casserole cause I can...

I made a casserole because I can... or maybe because there was a cauliflower in my refrigerator on the verge of going bad... which is what happens to 90% of fresh produce in my fridge :(

My coworker saw me eating the leftovers, and he asked if I was eating cookies for lunch.

Haha oh wow

happy chinese new year.

i got free food cause im somewhat similar to a chinese